I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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