hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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