i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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