She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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