like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
