I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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