did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
