Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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