I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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