I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
