I'm going to jail i love you
farters have to be the big spoon...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
