how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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