Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
