How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
