WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
