I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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