the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
