It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
