You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
