i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
