A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she peed on how many people?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
