p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
