Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
