stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
