; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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