I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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