Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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