i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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