im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
