I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
