Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
