chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
