did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
