I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
