what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
