I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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