Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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