K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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