Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
