sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
