p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
