She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
