it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
