i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
