Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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