I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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