Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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