Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
