I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
