why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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